Paytas: The pain behind the parody

An American singer, a woman who attempted to break the Guinness World Record for the fastest reading speed, a Japanese pop star, a Jewish convert and a podcast host. What do all these people have in common? These are the many lives of Trisha Paytas.

Having her own internet presence since 2006, Paytas has garnered her fair share of scandals. However, I would argue that she is a hidden success story. To start, her past must first be understood.

Paytas' attempt to break the world record for speaking in front of a live crowd for "Guinness World Records Records Unleashed" was completely fake. Rather than a genuine attempt at the record, she confidently spoke gibberish at rapid speeds for the whole world to see. Her Japanese pop star alter ego "Trishii" was riddled with racial insensitivity and controversy. According to an article titled, "Trisha Paytas' digital footprint sparks controversy, shocks viewers" by Kenzie Kallahan, "She's faced backlash for being racially and culturally insensitive, politically incorrect and tone-deaf." And while Paytas has converted to Judaism and continued to identify with that label, Judaism is far from the first religion she has publically "converted" to.

Paytas is, indisputably, a controversial figure who has sparked many debates in her years on the internet. And that is nothing I would attempt to debate. However, there is more to the story.

For over a decade, Paytas generally maintained her positive and airheaded persona, rarely giving the internet a glance into the true workings of her mind. However, it eventually seemed to become too much for her. Starting in around 2019, Paytas would begin to post jarringly vulnerable videos to one of her YouTube channels, most of which have since been removed. In one of these videos, she stated, "For the first time, I looked in the mirror and I was like, 'Trish, what is wrong with you?'"

It could be assumed that these videos, like her others, were just a bid for attention. And perhaps there is some truth to that. But they revealed a more authentic side to her through their common themes.

Through these videos of Paytas sobbing hysterically on her kitchen floor with her make-up undone, we can realize that Paytas was a person who did not know how to love herself, and placed her self value in other people's views on her. This is the reason she wanted so desperately to be known on the internet; it would make her feel something about herself for once.

Trolling gave her the attention she needed to fulfill her basic needs, but it did not give her one thing: Genuine love and connections. And this destroyed her.

It wasn't until 2021 that she eventually quit trolling for good. As previously stated, she has undoubtedly benefited from offensive statements and opinions, even if they were not her true beliefs. But perhaps it was more than just a low-brow attempt at making money. In a testimonial posted on June 14, 2024, to her TikTok in which she explained her internet history with her perspective, Paytas stated, "I have Borderline Personality Disorder and I didn't know that until I was 31, which makes life really confusing."

In her testimonial, she did not provide an excuse for her actions, but an explanation. Everything she had done on the internet came from a place of hurt.

This does not undo any of the damage she has done, but provides an explanation and another layer of nuance to it all. In 2022, Paytas gave birth to her first child, Malibu Barbie Paytas-Hacmon. In the time leading up to the birth, many fans and others on the internet commented on a change in her behavior, with the common notion that motherhood was changing her outlook.

While progress is not instantaneous nor linear, since Malibu's birth, Paytas has steered clear of any major controversies. Her content has geared toward a more authentic and positive feeling. Instead of creating controversies, Paytas has done what she genuinely enjoys on the internet – being a mother to her two children and a wife, and documenting it every step of the way.

It is evident that she has become a much more stable person to those who have followed her, and this article contains not even the tip of the iceberg. One conclusion can be drawn: Paytas is a success story. She is has garnered much less attention in recent years, which is a sign of success for her. She is caring for her family and creating positive content that promotes a much healthier lifestyle.

When looking back at her older videos where she's crying on the kitchen floor compared to her recent videos, one thing is clear. Paytas was able to create the life she always wanted.

Opinion by Henry Wielenberg